This semester, a large goal of mine has been to come to a larger understanding about my instrument, and how to play it properly. This is because I find I have a lot of bad habits surrounding my instrument that inhibit my playing – such as a lack of arm flexibility. I believe I have grown towards my goal, although at a much more gradual pace. At the beginning of the semester, I was focused entirely on specifics. I wanted to loosen the tension in my arm, or make good wrist motions with my bow hand. Yet, throughout the year, I realized that these things would not be possible if I did not step back and look at how all my motions combined together. This way, I could see the full picture of what needed to change in order to achieve my goals. An example is that I could not simply add weight to my arm – I had to relax my shoulders first. Similarly, I realized I could not get upset over the slower progress. I had to accept that I work at my own pace, and once I corrected the ways I play my Viola, it would be a much more stable and long-lasting correction. I needed to give myself patience.

A large challenge I faced was prioritizing my workload. One large change about university was the amount of assignments we were given. I found it challenging to discern which assignments required more attention, or which ones just needed to be completed, so I often got exhausted trying to complete work that did not need that much attention. Moreover, I am a perfectionist, so I felt I had to put my best effort and time into everything, which quickly became overwhelming. I worked through it by reinforcing that not everything could be completed to the best of my abilities and that that was okay. Next time I face a lot of assignments, I am going to write them on a list, and take 10/15 minutes to discern which ones need more attention, and which ones I should let go of a little. This way, I don’t get overwhelmed. To keep myself from becoming overwhelmed in the new year, and to accept myself with all my flaws, I am going reiterate this to myself:

You cannot control everything, nor have everything be perfect, so take a deep breath, and move forward.